ANN COULTER --- AN APOLOGY


Yesterday I came across this quote from Ann Coulter:

 

U.S. soldiers who die in Iraq knew they would. Most of them couldn't get a decent job in the private sector anyway, so what does it matter? Someone has to die in a war, why not the poor?

I guess I went a little ballistic. I fired it off to Lee and told her to use it as tomorrow's quote of the day, and attribute it to Ann Coulter, whore. Later, I was still angry, and asked Lee to amend that to Ann Coulter, filthy whore. Lee said she didn't like it, it didn't seem appropriate, but I wouldn't listen. So we went with filthy whore.

Last night, falling asleep, I realized Lee was right. That's what happens when you go off half-cocked, when you don't stop to consider the real meaning of the statements you make. You should never write anything in the heat of anger, and if you do, you should let it sit for at least 24 hours and see if you still feel this is wise.

So this is my apology.

In the movie The Two Jakes, a character named Lieutenant Loach says this to Jack Nicholson as Jake Gittes: "I knew a whore once, she would piss in your face but she wouldn't shit on your chest. That's where she drew the line."

Thinking about that, I realized that I'd insulted all the whores of the world. No matter how low they sink, whores draw lines, and Ann Coulter doesn't. She will fling her shit in your face, and then tell you it's chocolate ice cream. Therefore, even the skankiest, clap-ridden, three-tooth, crank-raddled, pus-oozing, scabrous, two-cent whore in the lowest dive in the crappiest town in the world is a moral and ethical cut above Ann Coulter.

Sorry about that, and I'll try to be more considerate of the lowest ranks of humanity in the future. As for Ann Coulter, fuck her. And if any of you can think of something to compare her to that isn't insulting to toads, swine, hemorrhoids, serial killers, psychotics, or steaming puddles of vomit in gutters, please let me know.
 

June 8, 2006