From the late '70s to the early '90s I collected toy robots, anything and everything that looked like a robot. I have silly ones and warlike ones, transformers, soft toys, tiny ones and big ones, pens and pencil erasers, soap robots ... even a chocolate robot. Some are electrical, some friction, and some are just molded plastic. What I do NOT have is any extremely expensive metal antiques from the '50s and '60s (sorry), and I have very few media tie-in toys. But if you're looking for oddities, you've come to the right place.

To start we're offering only a few at a time on eBay.

ROBOTECH ARTILLERY PIECE T23

If you want to invade the Merry Olde Land of Oz, this is the piece for you! Give 'em some of the old shock and awe! He quickly transforms into a cannon. Four rounds are stored in his feet. There are two missile launchers on his arms.

Problems: One of the missiles is missing, probably fired under a couch years ago by some rotten little kid who was playing with it, and not found when I moved. That'll teach me to let KIDS play with my toys! Also, the firing lever pulls back but does not lock, so you have to load and fire manually. Maybe you can fix it if you're cleverer than I am.

DOUBLE-BARRELED GOBOT STREETSWEEPER

The head turns into a gunsight, the arms into gun barrels, the legs into a stock. There is a grip and two triggers, which impact on twin round cap barrels. I've never put any caps in him, so I can't swear he'll fire them, but from the click the triggers make I'm pretty sure they will. And you'll be getting a weapon that's never been used, no serial numbers, no paper trail, no federal waiting period! You can go right out and waste somebody! I mean, shoot deer, or something.

PAIR OF GOBOTS

One is a cap gun and I'm sorry to say the trigger isn't pulling the hammer back all the way, and not snapping it, so I'll call it non-working, though it transforms nicely.

The other's backpack takes two AA cells, (not included) and powers the red light that looks sort of like a laser weapon. It's a sort of telescope, too. Look through his feet and WOW! Things are ... well, just about the same size they were before. This is a LOW POWER telescope. Look through his head and things are a wee bit smaller. But what the heck, they are cheerfully colored, won't make a mess on the carpet or chew the furniture, and they need a good home in somebody's robot collection.

ROBOT 318

I know it's not a very cool name. Apparently the guys who designed this ran out of imagination when it came to naming it. But just look at him! This is one kick-butt robot! He's got this face on his chest, looks like a wolf, or maybe some kind of big lion.

He's made out of plastic. I had to jiggle the 4 AA-cell batteries (not included) to get him to work, but after that he kept working. What he does is say things like DROP YOUR WEAPON! FIRE!, then spin three times at the waist while making firing noises. Then you get the sound of big feet tramping, BOOM, BOOM, BOOM, and he spins again. The green light at the end of his laser weapon flashes, as do the twin red lights in his chest. If there was a light in his head, it's not working.

Now for the bummer. He used to walk forward after he'd done his spinning thing. He doesn't do that anymore. Maybe he got mugged by a Gobot while he was in storage in a box. At any rate, he's paralyzed from the waist down now ... so are you going to let that stop you from bidding on him? It would be like refusing to hire the handicapped, wouldn't it? Do you want that on your conscience? And heck, maybe it's psychological, maybe he just has a mental block. Maybe, with love and a good home, he'd get up and walk again! Next thing you know he could be fit as a fiddle, and so happy he'd go out and destroy Tokyo! Or maybe Philadelphia.

TWO MAGIC MIKE ROBOTS

The black one makes electronic noises when you push its head, then push it again and it talks. It has at least two different messages ... and I can't understand much of either one. Something like "yours to command," and something about a galaxy. The voice is female. It used to be bump and go, but now, like a lot of my old robots, it just slowly makes very tiny circles. It does blow smoke, though! If it stops blowing, just take out the tiny screw on top of his head and add some 3-in-1 oil.

The red one is exactly the same design, but no-frills. It's lighter, and you can see right through the grid on its chest. This one also no longer bumps and goes, it just circles. But its eyes flash, and it blows smoke. The button on top seems to be just for show, because when you press it, nothing happens.

Both take 2 C-cell batteries (not included).

DEAD RUDY

Rudy is one of the biggest robots in my collection. He's real impressive. He's also dead as a hobnail. I'd toss him, but maybe there's someone out there who knows how to fix him. If you can, he's a medium-ticket item. I've seen one with a broken foot offered here at eBay for $40. This one is intact, on the outside, and bidding starts at one dollar.

COINS, MOURNERS, FLOWERS & CONTAINERS NOT INCLUDED.

TWO MACHINE GUN ROBOTS

These are both fixer-uppers, or for somebody looking for parts.

First, the one with the human face inside. The motor runs and the lights flash and he makes a machine gun sound, but he used to walk and then turn in a circle while shooting. I took the front off (it's easy; 4 screws) and can see where a tiny little gear is not engaging the spinning gear and the walking gear. It looks like it ought to be easy to fix for someone who knows what he's doing ... but I don't. Takes 2 D-cells (not included).

The other seems to have a loose connection. Only the little peanut light was working, then I took a look inside, and as I put him back together the motor started working, too. But there is resistance. He walks very slow, starts to turn, then stops. Something's jamming him up. I can't find the problem. But again, a savvy robot repairman probably could. Takes 2 C-cells (not included).

THE NEWS CREW

The staff of GUNK!, the robot scandal sheet! The camera and the binoculars are by Tomy, the television isn't. All three walk. The binoculars rolls his eyes, and raises and lowers his glasses. The camera rolls his one eye, and raises and lowers his magnifying glass. The TV moves one arm up and down, and his rabbit ears move side to side.

Can't you just see the two paparazzi out gathering gossip and candid pictures, maybe running Lindsay Lohan off the road, and coming back to the newsroom and putting it all on Mr. TV Guy? Or maybe they only run around hassling celebrity robots, like Gort, or Rodney Copperbottom, who's rumored to have been caught in a gay love tryst with that big hunk, Robbie! Well, it could happen.

FOUR BOXBOTS

All I can figure about these is they must be Al-Qaeda's newest plot against those who love freedom. (They hate freedom, you know.) We've heard that our ports are not secure. So these warriors disguise themselves as ordinary shipping containers ... well, maybe they're a bit brightly colored for that, but anyway, once they've gone ashore they transform and run amok. I'd keep my eyes on these guys, if I were you.

COLABOT

I had one of these with the Coca-Cola swoosh on the side, but it didn't work anymore. Probably just as well, as I wouldn't dare sell it here for fear of trademark infringement!

You can pour in your favorite delicious beverage and lift his right arm over your glass, and when you pump his head up and down, it squirts out of his hand. He's on wheels, and could be rolled across the table or along the bar.

BUMPBOT

Nothing complicated here. You wind him up and set him on the floor. A big space is best. He goes forward until he hits something, then he goes backward for a while, and goes forward again. He makes a chattering noise, and you can see two pistons moving up and down inside him. He is larger and much more robust than most wind-ups I've seen, has a more solid feeling to him. On the bottom it says BLUE-BOX, 1985 MADE IN MACAU.

MUSICBOT

This little guy is a real winner. Not complicated, but lots of fun. Turn him on and he moves in crazy circles, all over the place, bumps and goes, and his eyes flash. All this time he's playing ... "When the Saints Go Marchin' In" ! That it, folks! Takes 2 AA batteries (not included).

MYSTERYBOT

He's red, yellow, and purple. He comes apart into a lot of pieces. He's motorized, takes two C-cells (not included). After having said that, I can't figure him out at all.

On his back are tank treads, and they used to have rubber treads, but they deteriorated with age, as so many soft plastic parts do. Nothing you can do about it. The drive wheels back there still turn. If you lay him on his back, he will try to slowly crawl away.

In fact, a LOT of things turn, to very little effect. There are drivers in the arm sockets and they turn vigorously, but when I put the arms on, nothing happens. Same thing with the head. He's got passive wheels in his elbows.

The lower legs, from the knees down, come apart into four pieces. If you put two of these pieces on his knees like snowshoes, he walks, slowly. He won't walk when he's standing on his legs, wasn't designed to. The red piece in the front comes off, and there's nothing useful behind it. See the pictures.

He is absolutely COVERED with little sockets for plugging things in, so I must assume I'm missing pieces, maybe a lot of them. I can't recall where I found him, but this is all of him I ever had.