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August 31, 2000 - HOW TO SING THE BLUES © 2000 by John Varley; all rights reserved |
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Many people think you have to be an old black man with at least some experience at picking cotton or working on a road gang to sing the blues. Nothing could be further from the truth. Anyone can get the blues, and that’s the only spiritual requirement to sing the blues. But you will need a few things, plus a few basic rules.
1) A GUITAR. You don’t need a fancy one. In fact, if you spent more than a sawbuck for it, you got cheated. It should have some imperfections, such as a cracked neck from when you hit that no ‘count man from Memphis that was tryin’ to steal your baby upside the head with it. Never play with all six strings intact. If necessary, break a string yourself.2) A CIGARETTE. You don’t have to smoke it, though long-time smoking will go a long way to giving you that authentic blues voice. Light it and stick it up under one of the strings near the tuning pegs, or set it in an ashtray. What you’re after is the smoke. Blues must be sung in smoky air. If cigarettes turn you off completely, rent a smoke machine from a theatrical supply house. Or, if you’re on a budget, a Vicks Vaporizer. Do not burn incense unless you’ve figured out how to play the blues on a sitar. 3) SEAT. Blues is never sung standing up; you’re too weary to stand. An old, scratched kitchen chair is best, but any folding chair will do. Rocking chairs are great for the blues. Stools are all right, also porch gliders if you have the space to rig one. Barca-loungers are forbidden. Never perform while sitting on a bed or lying in a hammock, though you may rehearse there. 4) HARMONICA. You can play yourself if you have a harmonica rack, but this is not recommended for the beginner. It’s hard to blow a harp and pick a guitar at the same time. We’re not all Bob Dylan. (A thought I find oddly comforting.) So you’ll need a harmonica player as well. Try to get John Popper. If he’s not available or you can’t afford him, get someone who looks like John Popper. Since all harmonica players want to be John Popper, this shouldn’t be too hard. Any big fat guy wearing a canvas vest with three dozen pockets will do. Don’t worry about his musicianship. The rudiments of harmonica playing can be learned in an afternoon. It’s even easier than the three or four chords you need to play blues on your guitar.
There are half a dozen different blues formats. They are as rigid as a sonnet. But as in sonnets--- which are always fourteen lines of iambic pentameter (and NEVER say anything like "iambic pentameter" when singing the blues), but can vary quite a bit concerning their rhyme schemes--- so the blues has its own distinctive archetypes.. One of the more familiar variations follows this pattern:
Here is an example:
As you can see from the second verse, the third line does not HAVE to flow from the original iteration, but do not attempt this until you have gained experience. Another blues variation should serve better to get you started writing and then singing the blues. It goes like this:
There is a school of thought that maintains the old blues subjects simply aren’t blue enough anymore. You say your baby done left you? Go find a new baby. Your dog up and died? There’s plenty more at the dog pound. Modern audiences find these lamentations boring, even laughable. If one is to sing the blues, these critics maintain, one should sing of something that would be a source of suffering to anyone, some physical or mental condition. (The da-dah da-dum is a standard harmonica riff that you would recognize immediately if I could play it for you. You’ll just have to use your imagination.) MISSING LIMBS
NARCOLEPSY TOURETTE’S SYNDROME
MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES STUTTERING, STAMMERING SHORT TERM MEMORY LOSS
ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER (ADD) DYSLEXIA
(da-dah da-dum) You aren’t Nancy, who are you? (da-dah da-dum) Where am I? Who am I? Gurgle. Boo-boo. Snerk. Back to VarleyYarns or Home |
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