September 12, 2005 - A Prayer for 9/12

© 2005 by John Varley; all rights reserved

 

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful!

All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger!

Okay, did I get that right, Allah? I donít know You, but Iíve been hearing a lot about You in recent years, much of it from people I wouldnít invite to a dog fight lest the dogs run screaming from the smell. But Iíve also heard from people who say You are merciful, that Islam is not a warlike religion, and that the things a lot of people have been doing in Your name are ďun-Islamic.Ē

Me, I donít know. I havenít read Your book. Gave it a shot, but it was tough going, so I put it back on the shelf with my un-read Bible. But I do know enough about the Bible to doubt the description of the Christian God as a caring and loving deity. He wiped out Sodom and Gomorrah with a heavenly H-bomb, Al (can I call you Al?), and maybe they were sinners, but how sinful can a six-year-old be? Or a fetus? Thereís no mention that children were evacuated, the only guy who got out was Lot, who tried to pimp his daughters to a crowd of pederasts. The Christian God wiped them all out, men, women, and children. Do you know the Dude, Al? Goes by the name of Yahweh, Jehovah, or He-who-is-not-to-be-named (possibly when Heís committing His crimes against humanity)? If you see Him hanging around up there in the ether, tell Him Iíve got a few questions.

Anyway, maybe You are merciful. Maybe these guys who have been invoking Your name are reading Your book wrong, like Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson with the Bible. So I figured it was worth a shot sending up this prayer.

I was going to write yesterday, but I decided it was better to leave that as a National Day of Mourning for all the dead. But itís 9/12 now, and in my book thatís a pretty good time for a National Day of Being Pissed Off. Really, really pissed off.

Four years and a day ago, 19 men, 15 of them from Saudi Arabia but all of them devout Muslims, flew four airplanes into the World Trade Center, the Pentagon, and the ground. Here are their names:

Khalid Almihdhar
Majed Moqed
Nawaf Alhazmi
Salem Alhazmi
Hani Hanjour
Satam Al Suqami
Waleed Alshehri
Wail Alshehri
Mohamed Atta
Abdulaziz Alomari
Marwan Al-Shehhi
Fayez Rashid
Ahmed Alghamdi
Hamza Alghamdi
Mohand Alshehri
Saeed Alghamdi
Ahmed Al Haznawi
Ahmed Alnami
Ziad Samir Jarrah

I donít have their Social Security numbers but you can see their faces here. To get to their mugshots you have to scroll down through a lot of pictures of what they did. You might find them of interest.

What Iím saying here, Al, is that these guys shouldnít get into Paradise. Just as simple as that. I wouldnít even bother with telling You about it, but I donít know what Your security arrangements are in Muslim Paradise, and ... well, you know, we thought we had pretty good security down here, and these 19 assholes still managed to get by the FAA, the FBI, the CIA, the NSA, the police, airport security, and the whole Bush administration. (Okay, I know that last one was easy enough, getting by those brainless twits, but I just thought Iíd mention it.) And I recently had occasion to pray to St. Peter, the dude in charge of security in the Christian Heaven, and I was shocked to discover he was about to admit William Rehnquist. Apparently Pete hadnít even read his own book of sins! We got that straightened out, Rehnquist went straight to hell. But the thought of these 19 partying down in Paradise makes me sick.

So check out the website, Al. Almost 3000 people dead, and none of them did anything to anybody. And if, through some clerical error, You admitted them to Paradise, 86 them now while You can still plead it was a mistake, and hold Your head up high at the next Jamboree of the Gods, or whatever You Guys and Gals call it. Take away their dream palaces, the great food, the 70 virgin babes. Send them straight to Hell.

And if you have any influence there, Iíd suggest you start out by pickling them in pig urine for a few thousand years. Boiling pig urine. Then, maybe ... oh, I donít know, how about afflicting them with a gigantic appetite, and sending them someplace where thereís nothing to eat but pork, ham, and bacon.

Sorry for the lack of imagination here, Al. All I really know about what your religion holds to be awful and disgusting is the business about swine, something you and the Jewish God have in common. But I figure that, merciful though You may be, You are a God, You Guys are a bloody-minded bunch, and You can think of something suitable for these guys. If Your imagination fails You, consult some of Your fellow Deities. Ask that Guy who punished Prometheus. Zeus, I think His name was. Chained the guy to a mountain and had an eagle peck out his liver every day for 30,000 years. Something along those lines, only a lot more painful and for a lot longer.

And if thereís any way You can arrange for it to be shown on television 24/7, I think that would be good, too. Maybe You can make an arrangement with Al-Jazeera, or Fox. Meantime, Iíll get in contact with Jehovah again and see if He canít visit some sore afflictions on the Christian haters, like Robertson, Falwell, Ann Coulter, Bill OíReilly. You know who they are, theyíve been bad-mouthing You for a long time.

I ask this in the spirit of peace, Allah, O great one, in the hope that if people see there are consequences in the afterlife to their acts of hatred, maybe theyíll stop.

If there arenít any consequences ... well, fuck You.

Amen.

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